burn me down and build me up
by edeabeth
Summary: The building suddenly shatters. Fire billows and both boys fall back. Tadashi goes down hard but Hiro goes down harder.


When the fire happened, it was big.

The building was burning and glass windows were shattering. Smoke turned the sky into a reflection of hell as flames danced throughout the structure.

Tadashi was lurching forward up the stairs because someone said that a professor was still inside the school and wasn't it his job to try to help but Hiro has his hand tight around his wrist and he's fighting like hell. Screaming words that don't connect but somehow amongst the roar of the fire him screaming _you'll die_ hits him hard in the face.

Hiro tries to tug his brother back from the building but he's only slowing Tadashi down-but in the end it's enough. When he swings himself directly in front of the older boy the terrible thing happens and all he remembers is red.

The building suddenly shatters. Fire billows and both boys fall back. Tadashi goes down hard but Hiro goes down harder.

There are blood and burns and there's something so broken between the boys.

.

In the hospital Aunt Cass sits between her nephews who are both lying in stiff beds with bright white bedding that matches the blindingly white walls. The entire room gives her and headache and all she can smell is smoke. Hiro's left arm is carefully positioned in a sling to keep him from moving it and if he thinks for a minute she'll let him go about tinkering when she gets her boys home he is dead wrong.

Tadashi has his eyes open but he isn't saying anything. He looks uncomfortable. He doesn't look at her directly but he's watching her. "How is he?" He finally asks.

Aunt Cass bookmarks her copy of Jane Eyre –one of the girls at the shop suggested she go back to school to occupy herself because empty nest syndrome is real, even if both boys will be living at home still- and looks down at her shoes. "He'll be okay." She doesn't say eventually but Tadashi is smart. He knows it hangs in their air like a noose.

"He had his back to the fire, I think." It hurts remembering it and it's hard to grasp onto all the memories. What he does recall is Hiro pleading and begging while little fists grab his shirt. "His back-is it okay?"

"There'll be scars." Her voice, much to her credit, is strong. Despite her red eyes and messed up hair Aunt Cass is still the same girl who walked like hell in heels when she was younger. There's a tattoo still on her left arm, a black blurry testament to her foray into gang life.

That was before her sister died, and then her brother-in-law did. That was when her nephews needed her and the gangs became too harsh-to cold-to deathly. However violent it was, it taught her how to keep her back straight and not break down. So that's why she doesn't flinch when she caught a sight of Hiro's burnt back and the way his arm was pulled out of his socket and how he howled when they set it.

"I'm sorry-" He begins, his voice trembling and rough. Aunt Cass reaches out for his hand, her touch smooth and certain. There's a pale scar across the back of his hand that he's noticed a million times before but has never bothered to ask about. Somehow it looks more real in the harsh lighting of the hospital as sirens wail in the distance.

"I have my two boys alive and breathing. Neither of you are dead and you will both be alright." She informs him sharply. "Nothing else matters."

They remain silent after that, listening to Hiro's rasping breathing and watching smoke fade out.

.

GoGo is pretty tough. Anyone who would try to deny that would be a fool.

She stomps around the campus like the world has done her personal wrong and she slams her locker hard just because she likes the way it sounds, metal hitting metal hard. When she was a kid she ran before she walked and somehow the world looked better when it was nothing but blurs.

Sitting in the hospital was hell.

She sat stiff and rigid next to Wasabi who is arranging the contents of his bag carefully and slowly. He arranges his textbooks by size, carefully inserting the corresponding notebook that belongs to each class in between and if GoGo knows her friend then he's arranged it to match his class schedule perfectly.

"Poor Hiro," Honey Lemon eventually says, voice stiff. "Poor Tadashi."

"Kid gonna lose his arm before the first day of class?" Fred says, because he's fixated on the fact Hiro will be one limb less soon as he comes through surgery. GoGo tries not to remember the efforts to save the arm. Burning flesh, arm pulled out of the socket but the burns-

She winces.

Wasabi notices and nudges her with his arm gently. She leans just a fraction closer because she isn't an entirely affectionate person but she's working on it. Whatever Wasabi is to her, it means something.

"He should be out of surgery soon apparently." She says because she should say something. "Tadashi must be losing his mind over this."

They all were.

.

When he wakes up, he knows something is wrong.

He's in the hospital and there are monitors attached to him and there is an IV needle in his right hand and his left arm is abruptly missing just below the elbow.

" _You'll die!"_

"Oh my goodness you're awake!" Aunt Cass exclaims and Tadashi practically flings himself out of his chair to get closer to him.

" _Please don't leave me!"_

Everything hurts. His chest hurts and his heart hurts and his head hurts and his arm-ohmygod his arm hurt.

" _Get off of me!"_

He remembers Tadashi trying to pry him off his arm and yelling at him and he remembers how hot the air was, the way sparks burst out from shattered windows and god, everything was so broken.

He's a little broken to now.

"I want to go home," he says quietly.

.

Home is different now. Everything is.

The café is closed for his home coming and the entire time spent at the hospital where Aunt Cass watched over her boys like a hawk. Tadashi was silent and Hiro was guarded. Home was bright, with its clean polished floors and bright floral arrangements. Even the slightly gaudy paintings in the restaurant looked friendly and warm with its scenes of painted cats and valley scenery.

Aunt Cass is leading him up the stairs to the kitchen so she can start working on some dinner –whatever finger foods she can whip up. No one wants to be the one to suggest spicy chicken famous for its face melting abilities.

Tadashi ghosts behind his brother, watching him walk stiffly and with tension. He had stolen a glimpse at his brother's back when the nurses were changing the dressing and since then had been unable to forget.

"Can I go sleep?" Hiro asked patiently as Aunt Cass pushed a glass of water into his hand. "The nurses kept waking me up."

"Of course. Tadashi, why don't you go help him?"

Together they go up to their bedroom. Hiro instantly gravitates to the pajamas folded neatly on his bed, skillfully undoing his buttoned shirt with practised ease. "When does your physical therapy start?" He asked as he watched his brother struggle slightly as he put the pajama shirt on.

"Later," he replies dully.

Within seconds the kid is under the covers, protectively resting on his right side with his back angled away from Tadashi. He had enough time to experiment with positions in the hospital and found keeping his already messed up back towards open space and others made him feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Tadashi is watching it with wide brown eyes and Hiro hates it. "Stop looking at me like that." He ordered. "It's creepy."

"You've barely spoken to anyone, Hiro." He says in response. "How does your arm feel?"

He shifts awkwardly beneath the blankets trying to get comfortable. The one burn that snakes up his right shoulder is pressed against the mattress awkwardly. "Like it's been removed from existence."

"Hiro-I'm sorry."

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes but instead lies there tasting salt and ashes. "You wanted me to let go so you could leave me behind."

The words hurt, no matter how much Tadashi has expected them. He was terrible, so willing to throw himself into a fire to save one man who could have already been dead and to leave his brother on the steps of the burning university.

"I wanted to do the right thing, Hiro. Except I thought it was the right thing when it wasn't."

"You could have died."

He would have, probably, if Hiro hadn't grabbed hold of him like a child possessed and now he'll forever pay the consequences of Tadashi's choice.

His brother had always been prickly. It's part of his charm, he always joked. The one thing that Tadashi had always done- despite how old Hiro claimed he was- was to grab his brother and hold on tight. Hiro would struggle and curse and on occasion throw a punch at Tadashi's shoulder but would eventually settle down.

There's something broken between the boys and Tadashi is going to fix it. He carefully wrestles with Hiro until they're lying face to face, him holding Hiro _carefully-delicately-firmly_ by the shoulder. Hiro is trying to pull back so Tadashi pulls him closer.

"I'm never going to leave you again." He swears and Hiro relaxes just a fraction.

Neither of them leaves that bed for hours.

.

It takes nearly a month for either of them to go back to school. Anyways, for the first two weeks construction workers help fix up the damaged building and labs while on sight counseling try to fix whatever damage was done to the victims.

Honey Lemon practically dances around the lab with Fred when Tadashi leads Hiro in. A new workspace has been added for the new student and GoGo has already decked the place out with jars of gummy bears neatly lined up (she may have been assisted by Wasabi in her endeavours). Hiro walks in Tadashi's shadow but warms up to the group within minutes.

Fred ruffles his hair while Wasabi tosses him an apple. Hiro catches it almost smoothly while Tadashi slips into his private lab. He has drafting paper in there and a small army of sharpened pencils waiting his next greatest idea and unfortunately all of his ideas seem to revolve around the sleeve he pinned up that morning. Hiro looks at the empty space anxiously while everyone dances on egg shells.

So Tadashi begins. He begins the sketches of an arm, designed to be white with a stripe of red straight down the inner part. The sketch is rough but suddenly he's detailing how each of the fingers will move.

He has hope that he can make his brother whole again.

.

Hiro screams in his sleep. He thrashes and fights against blankets, howling words that don't connect. Aunt Cass comes sprinting up the stairs with a metal baseball bat in her grip every time. She usually flings the door open in time to catch sight of Tadashi trying to wrestle with Hiro back into the bed. The nightmares are worse after his days at physical therapy.

He hates the idea of being inferior and unable to do the little things. He hadn't realized how difficult it would to live until he tried fixing one of his older models of battle bots that he needed another hand to hold the bot in position. Then it was the simple task of tying his shoes, easier said than done.

Tadashi manages to crawl behind Hiro and force him still; using both legs and arms to hold his brother. Eventually the screams turn to sobs, Aunt Cass wiping the tears away and running her fingers through his wild hair.

Eventually Hiro becomes more aware and just trembles, unmoving from the grip Tadashi had on him. He seemed lifeless, unwilling even shift his position.

No one ever slept those nights.

.

Some days he hides with Fred drinking one to many milkshakes when he just cannot think straight and other days he lets Honey Lemon harass him into doing his homework until he does think straight.

Sometimes he hides away from Tadashi and other times he practically clings.

One eventful Saturday afternoon was spent with Wasabi who taught him how to drive safely one handed before GoGo taught him the 'right' way to drive. Which was fast, faster and fastest.

His mind hurts and his missing hand burns and there something that never feels right.

.

Hiro was acting prickly for the past week and Tadashi could only hover for so long before his little brother would eventually lash out at him.

He hadn't expected the kid to somehow sneak out of the window and down the drain pipe to get to some bot fight where he watches in the distance, oversized hoodie stolen from the depths of Tadashi's closet easily covering the missing arm.

Hiro's eyes look like they're reflecting fire as he watches metal smash and men shout, women in roller blades throw their voices and leer at the audience imposingly.

When Tadashi arrives it takes Hiro only seconds to realize, seeing his brother standing from across the crowd with an angry expression and attempts to slip through five alley ways to avoid him.

Unknown to him Tadashi has a tracker hidden on this battered sneakers, still a little singed from the fire, and easily catches up to him. Hiro throws an angry Japanese curse at him that Tadashi completely ignores as he grabs the back of his hoodie and hauls him off to his moped, patiently ducking every bitter punch.

It takes a little while getting him to hold on because the kid keeps jumping off the moment he gets the damn chance so Tadashi simply forces him in front and drives off, trying to forget about the fire in his eyes.

.

The hand is almost done when Hiro finally snaps.

They're alone in the shop and he just cannot handle the pain of phantom fingers and burning.

He throws a water glass at Tadashi and Tadashi holds on.

"Fuck you," Hiro spats, broken and little burned.

"We'll manage," Tadashi swears, plenty burned and a little broken.

.

Gogo kisses Wasabi on the first day of winter, a kiss full of sour alcohol but enough sweetness to warm the coldness of her heart. Her tongue is green from whatever shot Honey Lemon made up.

The second day of winter Fred's mother comes home for once, neck wrapped with cold pearls and eyes a little smouldering. It's the first time in months he's seen her and he doesn't really care-he throws himself into a world of beat up sneakers and patched jeans, content with living a life not reliant on a mother's love. He has enough love.

Wasabi writes Gogo eleven different poems that all end up in the garbage on the third day of winter. By the time he writes the twelfth one, he knows what he is trying to say and it only takes three words to do so.

Honey Lemon signs a lease to live above a cozy little coffee shop-not the Lucky Cat- and for the first time feels like an adult. It's the fourth day of winter and she can happily live a life full of chemical explosions and reactions all she wants, but it's a different type of contentment she feels when she steps onto the welcome home mat and unlocks the door.

The sixth day brings snow and with snow comes snow ball fights. It worth it, Tadashi thinks, as Hiro pelts him again and again in the face with perfectly rounded snowballs. His laugh is endless that afternoon.

.

He's a little more whole but he keeps slipping off into the dirty underworld that he's too small for. Eventually he's sitting in a ring with a hood drawn, eyes dark like ashes. Hiro knows this realm, knows that innocence in devoured the way flesh is by fire.

So he becomes fire.

He bets big and in return the opponent bets bigger, because look at this little boy with the stone cold expression, the emotionless smirk.

He looks like prey, but different. Wounded, drawn.

What they see as burned ruin he makes into flexible ash-his controlled works for a single hand, designed to fit perfectly and be controlled with little struggle. He knows his bot, he knows how to make it bend and rebuild itself. Electromagnetic suspension with laser precision and enough chemical balances to make it acidic and flawless while it's colourful design of red and gold make it look like wild fire when it moves. He blends all of his friends in his work, but the best is Tadashi.

Every time the robot takes a hit, it takes a step back and then two steps forward and unleashes everything. All the inner potential Hiro can sculpt out of wires and iron plates.

Tadashi frowns and sighs but the smile he sees when Hiro wins is the best.

.

Hiro walks a bit taller than he ever had.

.

The hand is designed/a bit like Cinderella, Fred points out/ and Hiro becomes a bit more intact. His first fist bump they trade is a little too hard, a little too painful but Tadashi grins despite metal hitting his knuckles painfully.

He's clumsy with it, unsure how to make the fingers work and the wrist to flex but he learns. Quick and quicker and suddenly he's the little boy running after Tadashi again, too much hair and not enough patience.

.

When the fire happened, it was big.

When the aftermath happened, it was too much.

Eventually, though, recovery begins.


End file.
